Halloween Hijinks
by Just Ressa
Summary: The team plays a series of pranks on Rossi for all his meddling. Will Rossi counter with the biggest prank of all? Or will the team finally put an end to his meddling? Rated K . * I don't own Criminal Minds nor the characters*
1. Chapter 1

Those damn tricksters.

Rossi stood up from his desk and removed the whoopee cushion from his chair. He laughed in spite of himself and the juvenile joke. Halloween was quickly approaching and the team felt it necessary to gang up on him. Rossi looked over at Hotch sitting at his desk in his office. He saw their fearless leader bite back a smile as Rossi met his eyes.

Ducking his head down, Hotch silently chuckled until tears stung his eyes. Although he'd never admit it, it was fun seeing the team get Rossi with these childish pranks. He warned them; as long as it didn't interfere with their work, they had free reign. It looked like they were just getting started. Earlier, they managed to replace his sugar shaker with salt, making for a horrible cup of coffee. Before that, it was baby oil in the elevator so that when Rossi got off at the BAU stop, he was holding on the inside walls for dear life.

The team sat back and cracked up as another one of their jokes went off with out a hitch. Even Reid was laughing, and initially he was against it.

"I admit, as childish as this is, this is hilarious!" Reid said laughing.

Emily, JJ and Morgan were wiping their eyes as they looked up and saw Garcia coming.

"Hey guys", she said giggling, "that was so funny!" Garcia laughed heartily until her eyes came in contact with Rossi's as he walked down the stairs from his office.

"Uh oh", she said, as he approached.

"Alright", Rossi said facing the group. "What gives? What did I do to you guys?"

The team looked around at each other and broke out in laughter.

"Seriously?" Morgan said. "They way you always seems to know what going on and throw in our faces?"

"Or how about how you meddle in our private affairs?" JJ said.

"Or how you play pranks of your own?" Emily said.

Reid shook his head. "I was against this from the start."

"Sell out", JJ said.

"Well watch out. You can have all the fun you want. But you know what they say about payback", Rossi said with an evil gleam in his eye.

Rossi turned on his heels and then stopped. "Reid, you and Hotch are getting it too."

Hotch was walking out his office when he heard that last statement.

"Why me?" Hotch said, sort of smiling.

"Yeah why us?" Reid said.

"You laughed", Rossi said heading up to his office. "And soon, I will too". He said under his breath.


	2. Chapter 2

Rossi looked out his office window. "Any minute now", he said softly.

The team started coming in. One by one, the all filtered in, shuddering in the quick temperature change of late autumn. They meandered to their desks and Morgan, feeling eyes on him, gazed up to meet Rossi's maniacal stare.

"Look lively People", Morgan said. "Rossi's up to something."

"He's all talk", JJ said. "I'm not worried."

"He maybe all talk, but we know Rossi can scheme with the best of them." Emily took off her jacket. "I need to warm up. Where's the space heater?"

Reid walked over to the closet to get the space heater. Morgan kept his eyes on Rossi as Reid plugged it up for her and went back to his desk. Emily set the dial and went to turn it on. Rossi's smile got brighter. Then it hit Morgan.

"Wait, Em, don't turn it on!" he yelled. He was too late. Black soot came out of the fan part of the heater covering Emily's cream colored turtle neck and tan pants. Morgan grabbed a small towel for her and she wiped her eyes.

"Are you OK?" Morgan said, trying his best to keep a straight face.

"Don't laugh", Emily said. "Damn Rossi", she said, trying not to crack a smile. Hotch opened his door and surveyed the scene.

"Prentiss, what the…" Hotch looked at the heater and then back to a soot-covered Emily.

"It's OK, Hotch. I'm good. Just tell Rossi I'm going to kill him." Emily left with JJ to try to clean up. "Good thing we always have a go bag, right?" Emily said.

JJ helped Emily clean up. "We got to get him back."

"Nuh uh", Emily said. "That's how this got started. "I consider me and Rossi even."

Rossi sat back in chair. "One down, five to go." A knock on his door interrupted his thoughts. "Come in", Rossi sang sweetly.

Hotch walked through the door. "Dave, that was, that was…"

"Called for? Necessary? Funny?" he chortled. "Those kids need to know who they're messing with."

"Look, just tell me what you're going to do to me so I can get it over with", Hotch went to the door.

"Now where's the fun in that?" Rossi said.

Emily, now changed and clean came back to her desk. Reid took the liberty of shaking off her coat and Garcia and Morgan cleaned off her desk. She smiled at them.

"Thanks Guys", Emily said.

"It's all good", Morgan said. "We stick together."

"It helps that your coat is black", Reid said, hanging it on the back of her chair.

"I told Emily we should get him back, but Emily wants out", JJ said.

"Like I told you Jayje", Emily said, "I consider us even. But I dread what he has for you guys."

"I didn't do anything!" Reid exclaimed. Reid's phone rang and he picked it up.

"You laughed", Rossi said in his ear loudly so that those around him heard.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day Rossi came in early and went to his office. He sat in his office and waited for the fireworks to begin. The team walked in and Morgan's eyes immediately went to Rossi's office.

"He's here early, y'all", Morgan said.

The team looked up and as Hotch waked over to the team, he looked up too.

"Oh no", Hotch said. "What did he do this time?"

"We don't know yet. But the anticipation is seriously nerve wrecking", JJ said.

Reid sat down at his desk. "I'm not letting Rossi put me on edge." He started to pick up his paper and noticed a light white dusting fly in the air.

"What's that?" Emily asked.

Reid's eyes got really big. "Anthrax! Oh geez!" Reid ran to locker room screaming at the top of his lungs and turning red. Hotch ran a finger across his desk and smelled it.

"It's talcum powder", Hotch said trying not to smile. Inside he was cracking up. But on the outside he had to remain the leader. "Morgan", he said looking up at Rossi laughing so hard he was doubled over, "go make sure Reid isn't trying to scrub down with bleach."

The rest of the team looked at Rossi as he stepped out of his doorway. "Something wrong?" he sang.

"That was low Rossi", Emily said. "You know Reid's a germaphobe."

"What?" Rossi said looking over the railing. "He laughed. And now it's my turn." Rossi turned on his heels and went back in his office.

"You know", Morgan said, coming back with a semi-soaked Reid who was toweling off, "We need to really get him. Our pranks were, as Pretty Boy here would say, juvenile. These are just wrong."

Garcia came out of her lair and surveyed the scene. Poor Reid. His hair looked like he'd just gotten out of the shower and his clothes were slightly wrinkled fro having to change from his go bag. A slow smile played across Garcia's face. "You want pranks, my Italian Stallion?" she whispered to herself. "Then I got pranks for ya." Garcia went back to her office and started hatching her plan.

"I'm going to go talk to him. Dirty clothes are one thing", he looked at Emily, "sorry Emily."

"No offense", Emily said.

"But scaring poor Reid to death…" Hotch trailed off when they noticed Reid's desk phone ring.

"Reid", Spencer answered. He listened intently to the caller and the longer he listened the wider his smile got.

"You got it?" Garcia spoke into the phone.

"Got it", Reid said. "Garcia you really are the goddess of all things electronic", Reid teased.

"Oh you flatter me Sir", Garcia said. "Now fill them in."

Reid hung up and the team stood staring at him. "Well?" JJ said.

"Garcia is a genius and she…" Reid looked over his shoulder at Rossi to make sure his door was closed. "She's devised a plan to make sure he never plays another prank again."

"Well fill us in", Morgan said, as the team gathered round.

"Well, it's like this…." Reid said.


	4. Chapter 4

The team looked up from their huddle with wide eyes.

"Baby Girl suggested that?" Morgan said with a surprised tone. Reid nodded. "I didn't know she had it her", Morgan confessed. "Hmm. I may have to chat with that girl later."

JJ stifled a laugh. "Why? Because you know she's kinky now?"

"Not so much, but it never hurts to know these things", Morgan said. He looked up at Hotch. "Can we do this?"

"No law against it", Hotch said.

"Then it's a go", Emily said looking at Hotch with a new respect. Their fearless leader usually shut down all fun. 'I wonder what's gotten into him', she wondered.

The team dispersed and Hotch went to Rossi's office.

"Come in Hotch", Rossi called through the door.

"I didn't even knock yet", Hotch said.

"I knew you'd be here sooner or later. When I saw the shadow of the feet, I knew it was you. None of the others would dare come see me", Rossi chuckled.

"You have to admit, that prank you pulled on Reid was a bit disturbing. Given his history with anthrax…" Hotch said.

"He laughed. And hardy. And it was talcum powder. Nobody was hurt." Rossi picked up a sheet and crossed off a name.

"Look", Hotch said a bit more quietly. "This has to stop, Dave. I'm must admit, these pranks, while rather comical, can lead to some pretty harsh consequences."

Rossi sat back in his chair and thought for a minute. "So, are you telling me, that if I don't quit my vendetta, something serious might happen to me? Is that a threat?" Rossi said with a smile on his face.

"No", Hotch said a little more seriously. "I'm your colleague, but I'm also your friend. And I'm just saying if you back a mouse in a corner…"

"They'll come out fighting", Rossi finished. "Let them fight, Aaron. Tell them to bring it on. You know, I ruined a good pair of Egyptian cotton slacks with all that baby oil."

"They were just pants, Dave", Hotch said.

"I don't care if it was jeans. Too bad, though. It's a shame to waste baby oil like that. I can think of so many good ways to use it…" Rossi trailed off.

"Dave", Hotch said. "I'm trying to appeal to your sensitive side."

"You just want to get out of your prank. Well no can do", Rossi said. "This won't be over until I get my just desserts."

Hotch smiled. "Funny you should say desserts, Dave", Hotch said as he walked out the door.

As lunch time came around, the team, including Hotch, all went up the street for pizza to finalize plans.

"You tried to appeal to his 'sensitive side'?" JJ said laughing so hard she almost choked.

"You should've known better, Hotch", Morgan said. "You know he has a sadistic side."

"And you know what's funny", Hotch said. "He said, 'This won't be over until I get my just desserts'. I almost laughed right then and there."

Garcia took a sip of her drink and smiled. "So what we should do", she said, "is just pretend like the rest of his pranks don't phase us. Let's see. He's got me, Derek, JJ and Hotch left." She paused. "So let's just laugh at whatever he does."

"That's a good idea, Princess", Morgan said kissing her cheek. The team collectively stopped eating and drinking and stared. Garcia just blushed. "Thanks Hotstuff", she said shyly.

The team finished their lunch and headed back to Quantico. Hotch headed up the stairs on the catwalk to his office. As soon as he reached for his door handle he knew something was wrong. Every fiber of his being told him not to open the door, but he had no choice. He had to get into his office. The team stopped and watched with bated breath. Hotch opened the door. He walked through the threshold and was instantly met with cellophane and a sticky substance. Hotch growled deeply and somewhere in the pit of Emily's stomach a quiver started that traveled straight up her spine and made her shiver.

Hotch continued to go further in his office and as soon as he did he tripped lightly on a cord on the floor. This triggered a fan placed inconspicuously in the corner of the office to go off and blow feathers all around the office.

A feathered and sticky Hotch came out to a team trying not to laugh and a Rossi doubled over in laughter.

"I got that one from 'Home Alone'." Rossi said. "Happy Halloween!" Rossi went back into his office holding his sides. Hotch came down the stairs and went directly to Garcia who was staring at him in awe and pity.

"Garcia", Hotch said in a low thunderous tone.

"Yeah, Bossman?" Garcia said nervously.

"All systems go. Nail his ass." Hotch walked off toward the locker rooms and showers and Reid followed to help. Emily stared after him with a new longing to help too. She blushed slightly and went back to her desk.

"You OK?" JJ asked Emily.

"I'm good", Emily said, trying to look busy.

JJ smiled a bit and went to her office. "Yeah, you're good", she whispered quietly as she passed by.


	5. Chapter 5

It was all quiet in Quantico. The team had left early to go hang out at the bar nearby and even Hotch had joined in. Rossi said he'd join them later although he wasn't asked to. He sat in his office contemplating his actions and his last few pranks. The vindictive feeling he felt surging through his body fueled him for some reason. "Revenge is sweet", He said aloud to himself.

He finally put down his files and made his way out the bullpen. Getting in the elevator, he checked the floor as he'd come to do now for baby oil. Good, it wasn't slick. Riding down to the lower level parking garage, he checked his phone for the time and marveled.

"Where did the days go?" Rossi said to himself. "It's already Halloween? I wasn't finished."

He went to his car and noticed the passenger door was unlocked. Taking out his flashlight, he scanned the seats, looking for someone. Rossi popped the trunk and no one again. "I'm seeing things", he said.

Driving to the bar, he passed a group of women that made him do a double take. He could have sworn he saw Meg in that group. Meg was the stewardess he had recently cut loose.

"Now I know I'm seeing things", he mumbled.

Pulling into the parking lot, he saw the gang's cars and parked close by. As Rossi walked into the door, he had to blink twice. No one was here. Absolutely no one. The bar was empty except for one bar tender and he was taking a phone call.

Rossi walked up to bar.

"What'll be?" The bartender asked. Rossi stood there dumbfounded.

"Where is everyone?" Rossi said.

"What do you mean?" he said. Rossi turned around and the bar was full of people, including his team sitting in the corner, waving.

"I swear no one was here", Rossi said.

"Perhaps you shouldn't have anything to drink", the bartender said warily.

Rossi held his head in his hands. He ordered a beer and took a sip. When he turned around the bar was completely empty again. And this time the bartender was gone too. Rossi smiled in spite of the situation. "So you finally got me, huh?" He said, chuckling. "Come out then! Good prank!" The bar remained very quiet and still very empty. A tingle ran down Rossi's spine that had nothing to do with the cold night air coming through the door. Looking at the entryway he saw Meg, just as lovely as ever walk through.

"Hi Sweetheart", Rossi said leaning to kiss her on the cheek.

"David", Meg said coldly.

"Oh now, why so formal?" Rossi said. "We're still friends. Right?"

"Is that what you call it?" Meg said. "We spend 3 months together, and you "release me" as you like to put it and we're 'friends'?"

"But Doll...", Rossi started and then his attention was snatched away as another woman walked through the door. "Janet?"

Janet walked over to the bar and sat next to Meg. They could have been twins except there was a definite age difference between the younger Meg and the older Janet.

Janet looked at Meg. "I used to look just like you", she said smiling.

Meg smiled back. "I hope I look like you ", she said. "You're gorgeous."

Rossi looked on incredulously. Here sitting beside him was Meg, the woman he just broke it off with and Janet, the woman he was with before Meg. The bar bell jingled and one by one, old flames of Rossi's came in, mingling with each other, shooting him glances and death stares. Rossi felt a panic attack coming on.

"Hey Rossi!" Morgan said, clapping his back as he sat down beside him. "What's wrong? You look sick, man."

"You would be too if you were surrounded by all your exes", Rossi said, gulping his drink. He was going to need a lot of alcohol in order to get through this night.

"Why?" Rossi asked Morgan.

"Don't ask me. This wasn't my idea." Morgan got his drink and walked back to the corner where the team was. The karaoke machine started up and a few of 'Rossi's Girls' got on stage. The opening strings of Linda Ronstadt's "You're no good" started and Rossi sank as low as he could in the bar stool.

The girls on the stage sang their hearts out and another group followed. The first chords for Ray Charles' "Hit the Road Jack" started and Rossi felt as if he could sink right through the floor.

As the night went on, every time he tried to leave, another ex would block the exit, positively making sure he stayed for a full evening of embarrassment. Suddenly the crown on the floor parted, and the team led by Garcia came out with a large sheet cake with over 30 candles on it. The cake read, 'To all the girls I've loved before" and Rossi looked on with the biggest eyes.

"Kitten?" Rossi said with confusion. "Why?"

"Simple", she said. "Reid."

"Reid?" Rossi said.

"Me?" Reid said. "I just thought you were coming up with a great plan."

Garcia took a look at Rossi at smiled. "I'm so sorry my beautiful Italian Stallion. But when I saw the look on Reid's face, the horror, my protective side kicked in." She reached out for his hand. "I protect those that I love."

"I get that Kitten." Rossi turned to Reid. "I actually do owe you an apology. I let my vindictive side take hold. It's just", Rossi paused for a minute, "you guys got me good. And I do mean good. And I, I dunno, it lit a fire in me. All I saw was revenge."

"Well hopefully", Hotch said, all this is out of our systems."

Meg stepped up. "I hope you're not mad at us, but when Penelope called we couldn't resist. You know we all ended on great terms with you."

"I think it's why it worked so well", Rossi said. "I pride myself on leaving these kind of 'situations' with grace and essence."

"Well", Garcia said. "Let's blow out these candles before this cake is mostly wax!" The group as a whole blew out the candles and Garcia started cutting the cake. Everyone mingled and ate while they laughed and drank. Suddenly Reid was at Rossi's side.

"Kid", Rossi said running his hands through his hair, "I really do apologize. That was really insensitive of me and I want you to know I would never intentionally try to hurt you."

Reid looked up and smiled. "I know. Just like you know that this will hurt you more than it hurts me." And with that, Reid smashed his piece of cake into Rossi's face.

"Oh, and apology accepted, Rossi", Reid said laughing.

"Just desserts, eh Dave?" Hotch said with a chuckled.

"Good one", Rossi said, wiping cake off of his face. "Are we all even now?"

"Happy Halloween!" The team and girls said loudly.

*Thanks for sticking with the story guys! I know Chapter 3 made some of my guests a little angry, but I do wish they would have come to me privately. I could have told them I was making Rossi out to be the bad guy to be good again. Oh well, Se la vie! Any whoo, there was a hint of some starts of romances in here that may be carried over to another holiday story, so we'll see! Please R&R and much love to you all!*


End file.
